May 24 2004
this was the they day I was born, kings collage hospital I was supposed be born on the 21st of May, so I was 4 days overdue my mum was scared when she pushed me out, I was literally born 12;31 I spent night in kings collage hospital I was crying all night, next morning I went to my house in Streatham. When I got into my house my mum gave some milk because I was crying, after the milk I was so drowsy I went straight to sleep. I roughly fell asleep for about 6 hours straight. when I woke up my family members came to see me
October 30, 2015 at 3:30 pm
Jemel, you have chosen an interesting moment from your life to describe, considering that you won’t have your own memories to go from. I see some similarities between your work and Warwick Davis’, which is encouraging to see.
Targets:
1) Your writing is not long enough to achieve the ‘autobiography’ badge. You must have 500 words.
2) You need to ensure that you use capital letters at the start of every sentence.
3) You must check your punctuation. At times, your writing is difficult to follow because the punctuation you have chosen does not separate your ideas effectively. Help your reader out.